Narrative therapy, in the start of this chapter, essentially makes a great deal of sense to me.  This is an area in my personal life that in my opinion, I continue to work through on a daily basis.  I have constantly seen myself as insecure not only scholastically, but also in my employment; I am not sure if it is because of the way that I have perceived my performance or rather it is due to constantly being told that I would “never be good at that,” implying anything that I chose to do. 

It seems to me that I am always down on myself to do only the best and no less.  As I have seen it, I cannot do anything less than perfect.  If so, I am a failure.  This actually has taken place in the past few weeks in this class.

About three weeks ago I received an eight out of fifteen on two of my papers.  In my thinking that I performed so poorly, I thought in the negative manner that either “I am a lousy student.  I can’t even receive fifteen points on a paper.”  Or “I guess that I must have done something erroneous for Susan to detest my paper and give me this grade.”  Yes, I comprehend that neither of those statements is true, however, I am working on reprogramming my thinking to think positive instead.

Later in the chapter, the author talks about “externalizing the problem.”  This is also an area that I deeply need to work on.  My whole issue has been that I believe that I am always the problem.  According to the text, this is not true.  Moreover, it is my belief that making this externalization, that my problem is not the same thing as who I am.  (This might be one of those issues I may eventually need to seek therapy for in my own life.)  If I understand the authors correctly, as long as I can identify that self-loathing and self-hatred have been controlling my life, as I have seen it, then I can move forward and change my thinking.