As an adolescent, I recall all of the “correct ways that a “normal” male should behave sexually.” At that time, I had no clue that it was called sexual scripting. As an adolescent, I struggled with the narrow stereotyping of who I was. It is my belief that as I was growing up, my social cognitive theory of gender, cognitive developmental theory of gender and gender schema theory were somehow twisted. It also could have to do with the fact of gay males having a smaller hypothalamus according to John Santrock.
While I knew that I was not the same as all of the other boys in my high school, I was not sure what it was until about my junior year when I actually learned the meaning of what it meant to be homosexual. Unfortunately through the years of coming to grips with my sexuality and doing several research papers for various college professors, I have to agree with John Santrock in his sub-section on “Sexual Minority Attitudes and Behavior” in the chapter on Sexuality in the textbook.
“The term “homosexual” has negative connotations,” Santrock said. In 2002, I wrote a paper for an English course in Intercultural Studies. This paper was on the history of the Pride flag. Through my research I had found that the color green was a symbol for homosexuals back during the reign of Elizabeth I. During World War II, Adolf Hitler not only found it in his heart to rid the world of Jews, but also of homosexuals. Each group that Hitler wanted to destroy had a different patch on their clothes. The Jews were given a yellow Star of David patch, while the homosexuals were given pink triangles, and homosexual-Jews were given a pink and yellow triangle to overlap and make into the Star of David. Although the term homosexual isn’t thought of by the gay and lesbian community as a negative historical word, the community is beginning to take back things that once were a disgrace or offence to us and turn them to our advantage. At the end of this paper you will notice the Greek symbol for the letter “L.” In Greek it stands for “Liberation.” The Romans took the symbol, Lambda, as meaning “the light of knowledge shining into the darkness of ignorance.”
When I had to try and understand who I was as an adolescent in high school, I couldn’t even think about coming out to my friends. When I did try to come out, I wasn’t quite ready for all my friends to know, so I chose to seek guidance from my high school guidance counselor. This was a very turbulent test for me. I had every emotion pouring out of me all at once. For over one and one half hours, I sat there and talked about who I was and was never suppressed by my counselor. My counselor was to me like my salvation. She helped me finally see the light about who I was. Although it took me several years to face the truth about who I was and am, I am now out and proud and look to the adolescents of today and continue to hope the best for them as they are able to come out of the closet.